Tufts Love

I’m sorry in advance, but I just could not let this one go.  Tufts University has reportedly “taken action to deal with the burning issue of unregulated student sex.”  In response to increasing complaints from residents regarding their roommates having sex in the same room, Tufts has created a policy that is surely an enforcement nightmare (and don’t call me Shirley).  I just can’t understand what they were thinking…or perhaps I understand all too well.

First of all, if the “issue” is burning then you want to see a doctor immediately for a round of antibiotics and use a condom in the future (unless you’re at a Catholic university, then just pray reeeeeaaallllyyy hard that you don’t get an STD).  And shouldn’t that idea of “regulating” sex, frighten us?  For a university to extend their power into their students’ sex lives seems like a bad idea.  Come on!  These are adult students we are talking about!  And I mean to criticize the roommates that complained a bit too–are they letting five year-olds into Tufts?  Grow up a bit and learn to deal with other adults in a somewhat adult manner–adult (I can fit “adult” in one more time if I put it in parentheses and quotes).  Is Tufts teaching their students to deal with the big scary real world by tattling on the people with whom they share space?  How is this going to fly in the office world?  If I were a parent of a Tufts student, I would be far more concerned with the debilitating effects of regulating my adult child’s love life (Norman Bates comes to mind), than with the mating habits of the freshman roommate.

And isn’t this “taking action” at best an administrative nightmare and at worst invasive on the administrator’s part?  Here’s a very sci-fi-like prediction.  2012 will see a wave of new administrative positions titled something like Dean of Student Bootknocking.  The DSB’s will be in charge of ensuring that every student at a university like Tufts will have a bar code tattooed on their genitals, to be scanned by a rent-a-cop every time they enter and exit a room. The tattoo will be applied on the first day of classes, just between morning nap and milk time (…adult!). Thus the problem of “unregulated sex” will be solved much as City and Regional Planners have solved the problem of traffic congestion in Metro areas.  At the same time, Tufts’s “burning issue” will resolve itself as each student caught having “unregulated sex” (and that includes with anyone possessing an STD of any kind) will be summarily drawn and quartered.  Now that will be “taking action” with some tough love.

A parting thought–Air Supply makes the Baby [insert deity here] cry.

Advertisement